Computer science professor: Before I start class, I'd like to point out that the computer science department has a new chair and I would also like to point out that this new chair has refused to move into his office until the floor is carpeted. CARPETED!
Computer science professor: So as you pursue your higher education, keep in mind that your rising tuition is not only going to fund massive redundant sports arenas, is not also being diverted from professor salaries, but is also getting thrown down the toilet at FRIVOLOUS crap for JACKASSES!
[[Drew looks puppy-eyed at the professor]]
Drew: This is going to be the best semester ever.
Computer science professor: Christ. Screw it. Class is over. Office hours will be from three to five at the cheapest bar I can find.