[[Ian, chased by a mob of nuns who want to kill him for not saying the
pledge of allegience, seeks shelter in a nearby cave.]]
[[Instead of safety, he finds himself trapped under a landslide. Unable
to move, he survives for days on the water brought to him by a lone
mexican jumping bean.]]
[[Throughout his ordeal, one thought sustains him.]]
[[He wishes he could be this creative when he's not having a winter flu fever dream.]]
